…at a loss

Allow me to report, happily, that we awarded another successful candidate with the second annual Integrity Award in Robert’s name. Here is Steve presenting to Haley Vining at Sir John A’s graduation ceremony on June 28th.

haley vining and steve

It’s a truly happy occasion, bittersweet of course, but one of those moments when I know for certain Robert would be pleased.

I also know I need to spend more time remembering how happy and exuberant Robert was. But it ain’t easy… instead, days have just been spinning themselves into months as I try helplessly to find a way to put a positive spin on my musings… just wrap my head around this emptiness long enough to make a comment with some joy in my voice, and without being utterly dishonest. In truth, that peace is more elusive now than it was a year ago… I am seriously confused by life’s cruelty… and its mystifucking randomness.

Yep, that’s me…still searching for meaning where there is only a void. Words can’t touch it; somehow they’ve all dissolved into platitudes. So I guess what I have found is an appreciation of the universal nature of good old fashioned pain, which is in fact something.

And maybe the new antidepressant isn’t as good as we hoped… but in the interest of remembering the absolute joy that emanated from this wonderful man, I will share a delightful, newly found, photo… thanks to his lovely and dear NSCC buddies. Not possible to look at this one without smiling…

gang fingers zoom

xoxo
Eileen

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